“It can be hard to be grateful during tough times.”
“Why is it so hard to practice gratitude on a daily basis?”
“I know I need to be grateful but some days I just don’t think there is anything to be grateful about”
“When life is good, I have all the gratitude in the world. But when it’s crap, it’s hard to see the light.
Gratitude is easy when life is easy
Practicing gratitude, being grateful, giving thanks…this is what all the happiness experts tell us to do.
It’s easy to notice the good things in life when everything is going smoothly.
You got a good night’s sleep.
The barista got your order right.
There was no traffic on the way to work.
That annoying coworker is on vacation.
You had a fabulous dinner with your besties last night.
Your parents are healthy and haven’t nagged you in weeks.
You and your partner are in a sweet spot.
The cold and flu season is finally over and the kids didn’t get sick.
Then BAM, shit happens! All these little things seem to vanish into thin air and it’s like the world is now against you.
Fuck gratitude! I just need to get through whatever disaster life just handed me.
Gratitude isn’t the first thing we think of when we experience adversity
Last summer, I was having a pretty typical week. I don’t even remember what I did but it was probably along the lines of writing a bunch, going for long walks with my pregnant belly and eating all the berries and delicious summer produce I can get my little hands on.
Sunday morning hits (like 8 am) and someone’s pounding on our front door. My husband gets up and trudges to the intercom,
“Hello?”
“It’s your neighbour, Bob.
“Oh, okay. I’m coming down.”
My husband goes downstairs, opens the door and chats with Bob. He comes up while I’m brushing my teeth and tells me that my car was broken into.
I put a jacket on, my Birkenstock knockoffs and go outside to check.
Glass is everywhere. The glove compartment is open. My insurance papers are scattered across the passenger seat.
What the fuck?
I’m thinking,
“Why did this have to happen to me? Of all the people in the world, I don’t deserve this. I’m a good person. I follow the rules. I’m a law-abiding citizen. It’s not fair!”
I’m angry, violated, annoyed, scared and upset but mostly frustrated. Now my day is ruined. I have to clean this shit up, schedule something with the glass repair shop and pay my car insurance deductible. What a nuisance!
Gratitude was the least of my concerns.
But then those words of wisdom, inspirational quotes, Ted Talks from all the self-help gurus/happiness experts started to flood into my mind.
G-R-A-T-I-T-U-D-E
But I couldn’t just think of random things I was grateful for.
Nor could I quickly change my mindset to a “half glass full” perspective:
“Hey, at least they didn’t gut your car and sell it for parts.”
It’s like imagine you’re at a white person’s Thanksgiving dinner and everyone around the table starts going in a circle, saying what they’re thankful for. It’s your turn but you can’t think of anything so you just come up with something generic.
“I’m grateful for my family.”
“I’m thankful for my health.”
“I’m grateful for this food.”
It’s so easy to default to one thing, person or place.
But when you keep saying the same thing, practicing gratitude becomes a mindless act and you start taking for granted whatever or whoever you’re grateful for.
I needed a format, a formula, some structure, a cue…something to remind me to practice gratitude as a habit while forcing me to think beyond the few token things.
Making the Gratitude Practice a Habit
As I went back into my house to get the broom, I hear my daughter’s toy singing the alphabet song.
What if I went through the alphabet, thinking of things, people, places and/or feelings that I’m grateful for that start with that letter?
And I wouldn’t stop until I did all the letters.
Could I really think of something I’m grateful for that starts with an X beside the xylophone?
I did.
Check out my list below.
But remember to sign up for your own gratitude exercise worksheet to start making it a daily habit!
Here’s My Alphabet Gratitude List
A: All of you. I am thankful for each of you for supporting my journey and reading my blog. Putting my thoughts and feelings into words makes it all worth it because of all of you.
B: Bananas. I’m grateful for bananas. They’re like nature’s dessert. Banana and peanut butter sandwiches, banana pancakes, banana muffins, banana and chocolate, a plain banana.
C: Coffee. My daughter hasn’t been sleeping well this week so I’m grateful that the Ethiopians discovered coffee in the 11th century so I have the energy to get through my days.
D: Daughter. She makes me laugh all the time. I love her randomness and the way she speaks Cantonese, saying Aiya 哎呀 and frowning before anything else like a middle-aged Asian woman.
E: Egypt: This is where my husband proposed to me. I’m not a super romantic person but getting engaged at a botanical garden whilst looking at the Nile River is a moment I will always be grateful for.
F: Friends. I’m always grateful for how quickly my friends and I can just start talking about real stuff even if we haven’t seen each other in months.
G: Garlic. Garlic Fries. Garlic Hummus. Roasted Garlic. Garlic Oil. Garlic Toast. Garlic Sausage. Yum.
H: Home: I’ve always defined my home as the people in it, not necessarily the location or physical space that I am in. And when I come home to my husband and daughter (soon, my son), I’m incredibly grateful to be surrounded by these people who love me unconditionally and give me a safe space to be myself.
I: Instagram This is where all the good people are…seriously. I have met so many people that I never would have met on this channel.
J: Japan: My husband and I went to Japan when I was 5 months pregnant and boy that was a bad idea. I didn’t feel like eating any of the delicious food and I was tired all the time. Pregnancy hormones and sleeping in tiny places made me extra cranky. So I’m grateful for my husband who took care of me and patiently took every mean and condescending hit 😉
K: Kabocha: I love this squash. It’s sweet, tender and you can eat the skin. I’m so grateful I live in a city where I can buy this whenever I want (when it’s on sale, of course).
L: Luke Danes: So confession time, when I watched
Gilmore Girls in high school, everyone was crushing on Dean and Jess. But I had my eye on Luke. I appreciate those fond memories as a 14-year-old having the hots for the “old dude.” Anyone else or was it just me?
M: McDonald’s coffee: I’d say 90% of the time, I make my coffee at home. I am no coffee snob, more like your grandma who enjoys a plain cup Maxwell House or Folgers. But when I do get a chance to buy one, I appreciate McDonald’s coffee. It has just the right bitterness and aroma for my taste.
N: Naps: I used to take naps all the time. I remember in University, if I had a lecture that ended early, I would rush home and take a nap. Now I just look forward to when my daughter is napping. It’s not just because I get some time to myself, but I love watching her peaceful and angelic face while she snores like a tiny demon.
O: Oppa: This in Korean means “older brother.” Recently, we started watching Kim’s Convenience, a show about a Korean-Canadian family who owns a convenience store and it’s hilarious. It’s making me reminisce about 2012 when Psy’s Gangnam Style came out and everybody was saying “Oppa Gangnam Style” and doing that ridiculous dance. If you haven’t seen it, where were you in 2012?
P: Pho: Don’t you just love a bowl of rice noodles and beef broth on a cold day? I could probably eat Pho every day if I could. I like mine with extra hot sauce, a crumpled Thai basil leaf, a shit ton of sprouts and a squeeze of lime.
Q: Questions: I love questions. My husband tells me whenever we talk about something deep, I get into my interrogation mode. I’m always asking questions about why something is the way it is. I think when we stop asking questions, we stop learning and growing. Questions help us understand but accepting that not all questions have answers and going through the journey of getting those answers is what makes life exciting.
R: Russell Brand: I’m an avid listener of the Tony Robbins podcast and I listened to the one with Russell Brand on.
There was this moment when Russell says something about how when he was younger, he had these internal beliefs about the way he should interact with the different genders. He always felt like he needed to compete with other men. With women, he always felt he needed to impress them, woo them into loving him.
I might be totally off but it’s the gist of what I think he said. Anyway, I think I felt similar to that belief until I hit my late 20s. It’s making me think about how my parents raised me and why I only had female friends growing up. More to come…
S: Salt: My husband’s a realtor and on the weekends while he does his open houses, my daughter and I get to spend quality time together. Lately, our routine has been making muffins and doing Yoga while we wait for them to bake. She knows all the ingredients. The other day, she saw my husband putting salt on some Yu Choy and she scolds him, telling him to stop because the salt is only for making muffins. She cracks me up.
T: Thermos: I don’t buy coffee most days. I bring my own in a Thermos that is over a decade old. It’s dented, super stained and sometimes a bit leaky. But I love it. It keeps my coffee hot and whenever I press that big red button to release its goodness, I can feel my day pick up.
U: Ultimately: I like this word because whenever I say it, it makes me think of the bigger picture. I tend to go down rabbit holes when I start to worry or freak out about all the “what ifs.”
For instance, when I first started filming myself and making videos, I was thinking, “What if people hate my voice? My facial expressions?”
But I reminded myself this:
“As long as I am being authentic to who I am, that’s all that matters. Ultimately, authenticity shines over what other people think.”
V: Vancouver: My husband, myself and our daughter were actually all born in Vancouver. Our roots are here and we love it. We can go hiking in the mountains, kayaking in Deep Cove and go for hot pot all in the same day. As my mom says, it’s one of the few places you get to experience all 4 seasons. We can’t imagine living anywhere else.
W: World Wide Web: So I’ve started running again. I took a break from it for almost a year to do more yoga and weight training. But I’m back at it and it’s kicking my ass.
I recently watched the latest Mission Impossible movie and I was like,
“Damn…Tom Cruise runs a lot and he’s making me want to run now.”
So because of the wonders of the World Wide Web, I was able to find a YouTube video where they stitched all the scenes where Tom is running into an 18:10 clip, which is perfect right after my warm-up and before my cool down. I feel like I’m running with Tom Cruise and my favourite scene is Vanilla Sky, running in the empty streets of Times Square.
X: Xiōng dì jiě mèi: This means brothers and sisters in Chinese (Mandarin pinyin) and I love saying this word. Although I don’t have brothers, I’m grateful for my sisters. Siblings just get it…you know?
Z: Zen: I’m currently trying to fit in meditation into my days and I have to honest, it hasn’t been easy. I appreciate those chances to experience a Zen moment because it is so gratifying. My mind clears and things seem simpler.
So Readers, how do you practice gratitude? What’s the toughest part about being grateful when you are struggling to see the light?
