Does online dating actually work? I met my husband over years ago and here's our love story.
When did you meet online?
Brian: We had met towards the end of the summer in 2013.
Katharine: Summer of 2013. I remember Drake’s “Hold On, We’re Going Home” was playing nonstop on the radio.
When you first saw each of your profiles, what was it that stood out to you? (pictures, profile description, interests)
Brian: I remember her cartwheel picture she had taken and she wrote very eloquently. I also noticed that in her write up she had a special code word that you had to mention to ensure you had read through the entire profile and had to insert that phrase in there. I loved the adventure and mysteriousness so I complied with that.
Katharine: I’d have to say the clear pictures of his face and body. It was obvious what he looked like. There were several of him in different cities, specifically one where he was in New York with his arms crossed, showing off his guns. He looked confident and sure of himself and that’s what attracted me. I honestly don’t remember what he wrote in his profile but I do remember his username was Airmilez and that corresponded to his love of travelling, something we both share.
Who messaged who first and why?
Katharine: Technically, he messaged me first but I think he gave me his number for me to text him.
Brian: Technically, she had messaged me first but I had sent the first actual real words out to her.
Katharine: I got an email and he popped up as someone I might be interested in so I clicked on his profile. I put an age restriction on who I was willing to date. I was 27 at the time and I made it so that only guys between 26-33 could message me. He was 33 then and I was on the fence. I remember showing my sister a picture of him, asking her what she thought and her response was, “Sure, why not?” And unknowingly, her “why not?” became a “hell yes” when he asked me to marry him while gazing at the Nile River during our Egypt trip.
Was there something in particular, a unique shared love for something that made you two click?
Katharine: Aside from travelling, I’d have to say it really was food, food and more food that made us click. And specifically, it was a dish that he loved and that I loved making. It’s a Hong Kong cafe item called swirl egg and shrimp fried rice noodle. When we first started dating, I was in the process of buying a place. Obviously, he had a ton of experience so he helped me look. He gave me incredibly useful tips and tricks to being a savvy home buyer. I promised him that once I closed on my home, I would make him this special dish. I not only kept that promise but I’ve been sharing my love through food with him (and our kids) ever since.
Brian: It definitely was food & travel. Once we did become exclusive she embarked on her Europe trip with her sister.
What did you do for the first date? (Love details, the more detail the better!)
Katharine: We went to JJ Bean on Main St. in East Van. It was a Friday after work coffee date. I was still in my office clothes. He was already there and I could see him through the window as I was walking in. It’s always nerve-wracking when you meet someone on a first date so I like to break the ice by giving the other person a hug. He asked me what I wanted and I think I got an ice mocha or coffee…something cold because it was hot that day. He paid. I graciously thanked him. We sat outside.
We talked about family, what we did for a living, travelling, real estate, Vancouver life, where and how we grew up, our childhoods, and of course, food and all the restaurants we love. He was wearing gym shorts, runners and a t-shirt which was a total turn off for me but he explained that he’s recovering from a back injury and was doing his rehab exercises before coming out. So we started talking about yoga and exercising and how it was only recently that he started using a foam roller. Then I mentioned how the ribbed foam rollers give a more intense rollout for your muscles. As I said the words, “ribbed,” I realized I meant “ridges” and corrected myself in my socially awkward, introverted way. He smiled at me and with a hearty chuckle he says, “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
I mentioned I was meeting up with my sister after so needed to leave before dinnertime. As I got up to go, I could feel a sense of longing. I knew we would see each other again.
Brian: Our first meet up, I wouldn’t actually call this a date. We had agreed to meet up at the JJ Bean in Mount Pleasant. She came in her work attire with her lanyard still around her neck. I remember when we went up to order a drink, she seemed a bit shy and just followed my lead in terms of what she wanted as a drink (she had the exact same thing as me). Look at her building rapport with me already! It was the summer time, so I was not “date dressed” and came in my shorts and T-shirt. Like any first encounter, we just got to know one another better and asked each other many many questions.
What topics of conversation were important for you to bring up earlier on in your relationship?
Brian: Knowing her why. Honestly, I didn’t know what I had wanted, but was meeting people here and there as well as meeting people online. Since, I didn’t know what I really wanted (does anyone really know?). I had asked questions about favourite restaurants, places travelled to. top few places to travel in the future, family and sibling related questions, career aspirations.
Katharine: Money, kids or no kids and where to live.
Money is something that a lot of people think and worry about but rarely do they directly talk about it. I grew up with humble beginnings; my parents immigrated from Hong Kong to Canada in the 1970’s and they worked hard to put food on the table for me and my sisters. Those values are close to my heart. He shares these values of living within your means and prioritizing happiness and fulfillment over excess extravagance. It’s important to be open about your financial situation with your partner. Money is one of the reasons relationships fall apart so it’s better to bring that out in the open before moving forward together.
If he didn’t want kids, it was an absolute deal-breaker for me. I’ve always wanted children and I’ve known that my whole life. Without a doubt, both of us had to see eye to eye on this question because it’s not like you can turn back time or get a refund; we would resent one another if we weren’t on the same page.
Where to live was tied to our shared values around family and upbringing. Both our parents live here and we wanted to stay close to them as they were getting older. I also wanted them to part of our kids’ lives. Plus, Vancouver is where we were born and raised; it is home. We love this city and everything it has to offer.
What solidified that they were “The One”
Brian: You just knew. This one is a secret.
Katharine: He met everything that I needed, wanted and deserved in a life partner. We had many similar values and beliefs around family and money. I was attracted to his confident, ambitious, open-minded, and extroverted personality. He’s a dreamer who likes to think big, a natural entrepreneur who pushes boundaries and isn’t afraid to try new things.
And if this were a romantic comedy, there was an actual moment I knew he was “The One.”. We were sharing a croissant in Paris and had been dating for about 8 or 9 months. It’s a feeling I got that surpasses that exciting “all over each other” phase, that it was no longer lust and novelty but rather something deeper. We were in France for my friend’s wedding and I remember someone referred to him as my husband; I didn’t bat an eye. It didn’t scare me. It felt right. And that’s when I knew.
What is your best piece of advice for those using online dating sites and apps to find their special person?
Brian: My best advice for online dating is to be open-minded. Give everyone a chance to shine and spark joy. Some people are more photogenic than others so definitely don’t rule out average photos. You have to meet up in person afterwards. Send maybe a maximum of 2-3 messages. Most communication is face-to-face and nothing can substitute that.
Katharine: Using online dating sites and apps are great platforms to meet people. However, an increased number of options also comes with the burden of choice and making the decision to meet up with someone can be difficult. You can’t be too picky and you can’t have zero standards. It’s also hard to keep trying when it doesn’t work out. It’s like there’s potential and then there’s too much potential.
As much as I love Vancouver, the dating scene is tough, almost impossible to meet people. When I was dating, I experienced all the challenges, from getting ghosted to catfished to random dudes who never did anything except text and then would get cold feet when I’d mention meeting up. So I was pretty frustrated but didn’t give up. I sat down and really reflected on who I was and what I was looking for. I came up with a checklist. It comes down to really understanding yourself, what you need, want and deserve in a life partner. I met Brian a few months later.
Therefore, having met my husband in this city, I know it is possible to find love here and I want to help others do the same.
So I decided to publish a book about it called, “A Brutally Honest Dating Guide” and it provides readers with real and raw advice about modern online dating.
