My husband became a realtor 3 years ago and it's affected our marriage. I knew things would change but I didn't expect these things to happen.
My husband made a career change about 3 years ago. He’s a Chartered Accountant by trade but real estate has been his passion for years. It was one of the reasons we fell in love as we both love Vancouver. When he took the plunge, we had a 2-year-old and was working on expanding our family.
The change affected our marriage, family dynamics, schedules and everything in between. I expected things to be different but there were some things no one told me about.
Realtors have a bad reputation because of a few bad apples
What do lawyers, used car salesmen, and realtors have in common?
Too many jokes about how slimy they are.
I used to think realtors were money-grubbing, commission-driven scum of the earth. When I sold my first condo, it seemed like my realtor barely did anything and yet he received a chunk of the proceeds. I did the nasty thing at the last minute of our negotiations, I made him cut part of his commission to make the offer work.
But now, after seeing and experiencing the other side of the coin, I realized realtors work their asses off. It’s not easy doing what they do. Every industry has rotten eggs and it’s unfortunate the media shines the light on those instead of the ones who actually have their client’s best interests at heart. It’s become my personal PR campaign to promote the good that realtors do. Or as my husband’s mission statement says,
“Helping families realize financial dreams through their homes.”
We’re always in the housing market
When friends and family ask if we plan on moving or getting a bigger place, we’ll look at each other and simultaneously respond,
“We’re always looking.”
When you’re constantly exposed to what’s on sale, it’s tempting to want to buy, flip and invest, especially when you know it’s a good deal. There’s no such thing as out of sight out of mind because he’s aware of the market changes day-in, day-out. He always has a finger on the pulse so it’s hard not to imagine a home bigger and better than our current one.
I’ve seen my dream home come and go about a dozen times; it was a bit disheartening at first but I know when the right time comes, the right home will too. And I know when we buy that dream home, my house lust will pick up again.
It’s no longer Monday through Friday but it’s not as frantic and hectic as it seems
Weekdays don’t feel like weekdays and weekends don’t feel like weekends. Every day can be a workday but workdays can turn into days off. It’s not like he’s an employee where he’s expected to be in the office from 9–5. He can work 24/7 if he wanted to (which in some way, he does. See next point).
Although his days don’t have much structure, he’s almost always able to join us for dinner. And I’d say 95% of the time, he’s able to kiss the kids goodnight and tuck them in for their bedtime routines.
Some might think that realtors are always on-call in case anything happens and it’s true during certain parts of the deal; however, it’s not like he’s a cardiothoracic surgeon who performs emergency life-saving heart surgery and must leave immediately for the hospital.
The last-minute stuff can usually be dealt with through phone calls, texts and emails; with the advent of electronic signature programs like DocuSign, contracts can be changed easily. He rarely needs to drive around with paper contracts unless the client is low-tech.
I don’t take it personally when my referrals don’t work out
His network is the foundation of his business and he’s constantly growing it. He’s a social butterfly so catching up with people energizes him. Realtors are a dime a dozen; everyone knows at least one in their social circles.
As his biggest cheerleader, I’ll often refer him to my friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers; however, sometimes, they decide to go with someone else. It’s business, not personal and we both know that. He can’t service everyone and not everyone wants his services. I don’t put pressure on my friends to use him and I don’t resent them if they don’t. It’s not worth putting my friendships at risk.
A laptop is to a writer as a phone is to a realtor
Ping, flash, ping, flash, ring, ring, ring…
If his network is the foundation of his business, his phone is the backbone that holds it together. I don’t know exactly how many people he texts and talks to every day but it’s probably too much for an introvert like myself.
With that said, I’ve had to get used to him leaving abruptly to take calls, not listening to me when he’s texting and calling clients during the precious time we have when the kids are asleep. At first, it was annoying and definitely started some fights because our routine would often get interrupted by his phone. I had to continually repeat myself to make sure he heard and understood what I was talking about.
However, over the years, the kids and I have adjusted to the new normal. When daddy’s on his phone, even though he’s physically present, he’s not actually here. But when he gets off the phone, he tries his hardest to catch up on what he missed out on. And that effort makes all the difference.
I ride the emotional rollercoaster with him through every deal
When he’s helping buyers, I get to witness the journey his clients take from the search, showings, offer(s), subject removal, completion to possession. It’s an emotional rollercoaster the entire time and every deal is a bit different. Sometimes, an offer isn’t accepted even after a day of negotiations. Other times, subjects don’t get removed.
Last-minute changes and requests come up all the time and I get to watch him play telephone, communicating back and forth between the listing agent and his client.
Round and round it goes…
Then when he’s a listing agent, it feels like he’s a matchmaker, looking for the perfect buyer for his client. When someone calls for a showing, he gets excited because this could potentially be The One. Then if it doesn’t pan out, he gets disappointed but he moves on very quickly.
Over the years, I’ve seen his ability to bounce back and re-shift his focus get better and better; it inspires and gives me the courage to pursue freelance writing.
I’ve learned so much that I could probably be a realtor
My husband’s an extrovert and loves talking, to others and to himself. He thinks out loud and narrates everything he’s doing, did and will do that day; therefore, I know a thing or two about being a realtor. From the sales process, terminology, realtor-to-realtor dynamics, how negotiations work to what’s considered a deal versus highway robbery in all the different neighbourhoods of Greater Vancouver, I could probably do what he does.
And I bet a lot of other people think that too, especially when they hear stories about the amount of money they make in such a short time. Just think about all the shows you see on TV, from Love It or List It to Selling Sunset. Watching from afar versus doing the actual job is very different. It really isn’t as easy or as exciting as it seems.
Therefore, what I actually learned is that I could never be a realtor and I wouldn’t want to either. I may be able to talk the talk but walking the walk is a whole other thing. I’m just grateful I married someone who does.
So Readers, what does your partner do for a living? How does that affect your relationship?
