Aging is a privilege.
I’m still learning how to treat myself with kindness when I fall short. It sounds simple, but for a recovering perfectionist, the idea of self-forgiveness can feel like another thing to master. And when I don’t get it “right,” I start spiralling: “How have I done all this inner work and still feel stuck?”
That’s when I write. Not to fix myself, but to remember how far I’ve come. To remind myself that healing doesn’t look perfect, and neither do I.
And that brings me to this belief I’ve been untangling for years:
Aging is something to hide. Delay. Reverse.
The best compliment a woman can get? “You look amazing for your age!” Or even better: “Wait… you have kids?!”
Growing up, I watched my mom attach so much of her identity to looking young and beautiful. She was stunning — and she knew it. Recently, she bragged about having to show her driver’s license to get the senior discount at the local community center. The service worker couldn’t believe she was over 65, even though she’s over 70. She humbly bragged and complained about how it was difficult to get through to them. She even had to explain that all she does is dye her hair. No Botox. No injections. No filler. No nothing.
But it was more than pride for her; it became pressure for me. I learned early that aging wasn’t natural — it was something to fight off at all costs.
Her advice for my last birthday was to start using a serum for my skincare routine. I get it. I really do. That belief runs deep.
But here’s the truth:
We don’t owe anyone our youth.
We’re allowed to look like we’ve lived.
We’re allowed to age.
There’s nothing wrong with taking care of your appearance. I’m religious about putting sunscreen on during the day, investing in a good eye cream and retinol. But when our worth gets tied to whether or not we “look young for our age,” we end up at war with time, our bodies, and ourselves.
This belief steals our joy. It makes us afraid of our own faces, our birthdays, our power.
That’s why I started doing shadow work — and why I created 50 Shadow Work Prompts: A Journal to Uncover Your Hidden Psyche.
Inside, you’ll find writing prompts to help you confront the beliefs you didn’t choose but inherited. Prompts that help you explore why certain compliments feel like pressure. Why aging feels like loss. Why beauty feels like currency.
And more importantly, how to start letting that all go.
If you’re ready to reclaim your worth at any age, start your journey by getting my journal. You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
Get it now in paperback and hardcover.
You deserve freedom, not perfection.
And you’re not alone on this path.
Until next time,
Katharine
