But will I let my daughter?
It’s the year 2000 and I’m sitting in my Grade 8 French class.
My flared Mavi jeans are tight around my waist. I’m bloated. The crown of my head is throbbing in pain, radiating in a ring of fire that never ends. My lower abdomen feels like there are little gremlins inside with tiny pickaxes, scraping away at my uterus, mining for popcorn kernels.
“Est ce que je peux aller aux toilettes s’il vous plait? (May I please go to the washroom?)”
Madame Mardoche nods.
I get up and walk to the washroom. I go into the stall and I sit on the toilet with my pants on, head down, breathing deeply. I rub my temples for a brief moment and I look at my watch. There are 15 minutes left in class. Then its home time. I can do this. I stand up, walk back to class and sit at my desk, silently counting down each dreadful minute. The tone of the bell marks my struggling walk home.
I get into my house, take off my jeans, slip on my sweats and lie down in bed in the fetal position. About an hour later, I get up, walk to the kitchen to warm up the Magic Bag and a cup of hot tea. I retreat back to my room.
My mom comes home. She comes to my door and asks me what’s wrong. I tell her I have my period. She gives me an unphased look and says,
“Yup, that’s how it is. Being a woman is like that. It’ll pass.”
I watched Tylenol get passed around like TicTacs
As I progressed through high school, I’d watch my friends and classmates effortlessly pass around painkillers whenever they had cramps, a headache, or just a late night of partying.
A girl would be like,
“Do you have an Advil?”
Her friend would be like,
“Hm…let me check my bag. Yup, here you go”
And she’d toss the little bottle over. Her friend would pop one in her mouth like a TicTac, chase it down with a swig of her water bottle and toss it back over.
I was always fascinated by how often they needed these painkillers. I thought they must be in incredible pain to need pills or perhaps they’re weak and can’t stand even a little bit of pain.
My mom’s dedication to her health
Growing up, my mom discouraged my sisters and me from taking any medication unless prescribed and required by our family doctor. Anything else was unnatural and unnecessary for our bodies. Pain is part of life and riding it out was like a badge of honour for her. Like many Asian moms, she had mastered the art of hiding her emotions.
She will try everything to prevent disease before resorting to medication; hence, she eats incredibly healthy, works out like a beast, hikes, swims, practices yoga and destressing techniques.
I absolutely admire her dedication and commitment to her wellbeing. As a mom, I strive every day to prioritize my health above all else, something many mothers struggle with; I’m grateful I had a wonderful role model growing up who gives me the reassurance to take time for myself.
The day I asked for a Tylenol
Unlike my mom, my dad didn’t believe pills were the devil. He would take medicine for hayfever, allergies, joint pain, heartburn, gas, nausea, dizziness etc. So he kept our medicine cabinet stocked.
One day, I mention to my mom that I would like to take a Tylenol for my cramps. She responds,
“I don’t know if we have any.”
I say to her that dad has some in the medicine cabinet and she says,
“He takes pills for anything. He can’t stand any pain. He’s got a low tolerance. He’s a man.”
I didn’t end up taking one.
I honestly thought painkillers were for the weak
So for years, I’d pride myself on not needing pills whenever I was menstruating, finding alternative ways to ease the cramps and headaches, from heating pads, warm baths, breathing exercises to hot beverages. I believed my body needed to go through the pain in order to become stronger, like the immune system.
But every month, it came back. There was this one time, the cramping was so painful that I almost blacked out on the bathroom floor. I thought this was just something I would grow out of, that it would get better once my menstrual cycle became more regular; my hormones would become more balanced once I reached adulthood.
Then, an episode of Scrubs changed all that
It was during University when I was sitting in the living room, studying for a mid-term when an episode of Scrubs came on.
There was a scene where Dr. Cox was reviewing one of the resident’s charts. He quickly scans it, grabs the resident who completed it and yells at him. I don’t remember the exact lines but it was something like,
“You idiot! Did you write a prescription for acetaminophen? Do you know what the right prescription is?”
He grabs a bottle of pills, opens it and throws the pills in the resident’s face. The poor guy runs off, scared shitless.
It made me think.
Is taking a pill really that bad? I mean they’re making a joke about it on television.
I grabbed a bottle of Tylenol, read the warning and dosage information about 10 times. Then I Googled the side effects and what could go wrong. The next time I had my period and started to feel cramps, I took a pill. Within 10 minutes, the cramps went away. I couldn’t believe it.
Everyone has a different tolerance for pain
I have both Tylenol and Advil stocked in my medicine cabinet. I have a bottle at work, in my travel makeup bag, my car and my purse. I take it when I need it and I don’t think too much about it when I do. I don’t judge others when they do.
I’ve come to learn that everyone has a different tolerance to pain. A stubbed toe may hurt like the dickens for me but for someone else, they may barely flinch.
From losing a loved one, recovering from an illness or an accident, being let go from a job to going through a breakup…painful experiences affect everyone differently and how they manage is dependent on what works for the individual and their level of resilience. We cannot expect others to cope in the same way we do.
My mom and I now
My mom really did her best with her three daughters. She had the best intentions and she’s instilled in me many important lessons that I’m planning to pass down to my kids.
We will always be in disagreement about pain management; she has her values and beliefs that were influenced by her life experiences and I have mine. I’ve come to terms with it. It’s like that with all relationships. You can never agree on everything but you can try and understand one another.
Do I resent her for not letting me take a pill?
To be honest, I did; however, I don’t anymore, especially now that I have a daughter. Instead, I’ve moved forward; I feel empowered in having the opportunity to change history for my kids (and anyone reading this right now).
I have a daughter
Just last month, I went upstairs to my bathroom to change my pad. My 4-year-old daughter follows me and catches a glimpse of the soiled napkin. She asks me,
“What are you doing? What’s that?”
I explain to her that I’m changing my pad like how I change her brother’s diaper. I tell her that women get a period every month and we bleed out of our vaginas. It’s what happens for us to have babies.
She’s curious and asks more questions. I explain that when this happens, mommy gets more tired and has less patience. She sometimes has a bit of pain and needs to rest. She may need to take medicine to feel better.
I make sure the conversation remains open and every month I get my period, I’m going to keep having these little talks with her.
And 10 years down the road, when she starts menstruating and gets cramps, will I let her have a Tylenol?
Abso-freaking-lutely
So Readers, what has been your experience with painkillers?
