EPISODE 24: HOW TO AVOID BECOMING A TOXIC FRIEND (3 STRATEGIES TO MANAGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR SO YOU DON'T LOSE FRIENDS)
So in part 1, I shared the 3 signs that I watch for in myself when I think I’m becoming a toxic friend.
In part 2 of my toxic friendship series, I’ll share with you how I manage these behaviours.
1. Comparing Your Friend’s Stresses To Your Own
So when you catch yourself saying something (either in your head or to someone else) that minimizes your friend’s issue by comparing it to your own, try to do some self-reflection to understand why you’re doing that.
Ask yourself:
“What is going on with me at the moment that is making me feel insecure enough to compare?”
“How can I emotionally detach myself so that I can become objective in the conversation?”
Say to yourself:
My problems are my problems.
Her problems are her problems.
Keep it simple.
2. Feeling Joy When Your Friend Feels Sorrow
So when you catch yourself taking pleasure in a friend’s misfortune, try to re-assess your own life and begin to practice gratitude for having a friend who can be vulnerable with you, for the opportunity to support someone through their pain and for the fact that it did not happen to you.
The shift in mindset takes practice but once it changes, you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off you.
3. Feeling Sorrow When Your Friend Feels Joy
So when you catch yourself feeling that twinge of envy about your friend, try to put on a wide smile and give them a warm hug.
Show as much excitement as you can, asking a ton of questions and follow-up questions.
This is their moment to celebrate, not yours.
By focusing all the attention on them, enhancing the joy of their experience, it makes you forget about your own sorrows.
And the excitement that you’ve fabricated transforms into a reality and eventually, you’ll become genuinely happy for your friend.
Then when you have a moment to myself, self-reflect.
Try to locate the source of my envy, acknowledge it and treat yourself with compassion, reminding yourself that when you feel happy for others, the happier you will be.
So Readers, what do you do when you start to become toxic?
Part 3: 3 Signs To Look For When Making New Friends To Avoid Making Toxic Ones
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If you have any ideas for topics you’d like me to talk about, leave in the comments below.
