EPISODE 14: WHY I DON’T CARE IF MY CHILD CLIMBS THE CORPORATE LADDER (EVEN THOUGH I’M AN ASIAN MOM)
“Doctor or Lawyer. Anything else is not good enough”
Ok so my parents have never said that to me and generally, they’ve been pretty good about respecting my career decisions.
They’ve never forced me to go into a specific profession or forbid me from following my dreams (ie. “I’ll disown you if…”).
It’s not like they’re unsupportive.
Rather, they’re apathetic.
For instance, they were like “meh” when I shared with them my dreams of being a bestselling author one day.
(Yes, they know about this blog and no, they don’t read it or care too much except that one time I had coffee with Mary Ng, someone they saw in the local Chinese newspaper).
My parents grew up in Hong Kong with humble beginnings where education was perceived as a privilege. University was reserved for the rich kids since their parents (my grandparents) could not afford it.
My family’s history of how I became who I am sits close to my heart and it deeply influences the way I parent. I share my parents’ (and grandparents’) vision of ensuring the next generation has it better than the previous.
However, “better” does not necessarily mean more school. It does not mean more money or assets. It does not mean more status or power.
Let’s be honest here. My daughter doesn’t need to worry about survival like her grandparents. Her parents are white collar, English-fluent, working professionals
So what does “better” mean to me? 3 things:
Finding Fulfillment
I don’t want her to view her career as a series of transactions (ie. effort in, money out) but as an ongoing journey in pursuit of serving those who need her unique skills, abilities, and experience.
Building Resilience
I want her to draw from her failures and have the autonomy to course correct, applying the lessons learned along the way.
Struggling Less Than Her Mom
Growing up, I had this clear vision of how my career would look like. I would visualize myself climbing that corporate ladder, making lots of money, growing my status and managing tons of staff.
Anyway, I thought a career was linear, a single path in which the efforts of each step needed to be cumulative, leading to bigger and better things.
It made sense to my parents and grandparents because they didn’t have that first level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. They were fighting every day just to maintain food on the table and roof over their heads
I had this narrow view of what success meant and it wasn’t until I entered my 30’s that I figured out this isn’t necessarily what gives me fulfillment in life.
I view a career as a web where every point is interrelated and the essence of who I am is the glue that holds it all together. And the stronger my sense of self is, the stronger the web becomes.
SO let’s change the way we view a career. Because when you view it as a ladder, there’s only one direction you can move and it also forces you look
Instead of climbing it like an ant, let’s navigate it like spiders.
Did your parents judge your career decisions?
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If you have any ideas for topics you’d like me to talk about, leave in the comments below.
