I had the expensive bag and the 5-star vacations, but something was missing.
In my 20s, I thought I was doing life right. I had a good job, a full social calendar, and a decent paycheck. So I did what I thought successful women were supposed to do.
I bought the expensive purses.
I booked the bougie vacations.
I got the designer lipstick, the mani-pedis, the facials, the Sephora hauls, and the overpriced coffee.
I checked out all the newest restaurants and stayed on top of the newer ones popping up.
I followed the latest fashion trends and shopped for every season.
All of it. I said “yes” because I could. Because wasn’t that the point of success?
To afford all the things? To buy whatever you want, whenever you want?
But here’s what no one tells you:
More stuff doesn’t always mean more joy.
Sometimes, it means more clutter. More credit card debt. More stress trying to “keep up” with people you don’t even like that much.
Obviously, money isn’t bad or the root of all evil. Money is important, especially for women. It’s a necessity. It brings freedom, options, safety and agency. It helps me take care of my kids, myself, and invest in my future. Security is sacred.
But somewhere along the way, I learned this:
Making more money to buy more things and have more glamourous experiences doesn’t make a meaningful life. More connection does.
And my kids remind me of that every day.
Despite having their own iPads (which lately have been collecting dust), they’d rather:
Build a fort out of branches and rocks
Fold origami and paper airplanes
Challenge each other to see who can hang longer on monkey bars.
Make sandcastles at the beach
Play Mad Libs or Charades with mom and dad
Splash in puddles after the rain
Have a long chat with their parents about what they’ve been watching on YouTube or stories they’ve come up with
They don’t need expensive gadgets, toys, clothes and shoes. They don’t need to be in every single extracurricular activity. They don’t have to know how to speak 5 languages, master the violin, do 10 backflips in a row, paint like Da Vinci and hit home runs.
No spa day or designer handbag has ever made me feel the way I do when I’m belly-laughing with my kids during a game of Guess Who. Or enjoying a solo hour to myself, reading a good murder mystery with the Zen music on and the rain coming down. Or discussing what we think will happen in the latest Netflix show that my husband and I are watching when the kids go to bed.
It’s not that we shouldn’t spend on things that feel good. It’s just that we’ve been sold a lie — that more is the goal. That happiness is bought, not built.
But what if we started defining wealth differently?
The ability to live within your values
The freedom to say no to things you don’t need
The joy of being present with the people you love
The peace of knowing you’re already enough, without needing more
This is the kind of reflection I guide you through in my Shadow Work Journal. Grab your copy here.
Inside, you’ll explore how you’ve been conditioned to define success, happiness, and worth — and gently begin to unravel those old, limiting beliefs.
You’ll ask yourself:
What makes me feel truly alive?
What am I spending on to impress others vs. nourish myself?
What void am I trying to fill with “more”?
More is not the answer if you’re still feeling empty. But meaning? That’s something we can all afford to seek.
Until next time,
Katharine
