Do you fear death and dying? As a wife and mom of 2 young kids, this scares me a lot.
However, blogging and being authentic in the content I create give me comfort in what I’m leaving behind
YOLO, life is short, carpe diem…
Have you ever thought about your death?
What would happen if you were to leave earth at this moment?
Or at a time when you weren’t ready?
When you had no time to prepare?
It can be a dark and difficult concept for some to ponder about. We have unfinished business, regrets, remorse, loose ends…things we want to experience, things we want to conquer, things we want to learn, things we want to explore…
We need to exist in order for those things to happen and our existence is based on our living.
So when we die, none of that can happen. And it’s scary, knowing what we’ve left behind: messes, unspoken words, apologies not given, apologies not accepted, relationships not started, not mended, not forgiven, ventures not begun, places not visited, journeys not completed…
Just like that old piece of bread in the back of your fridge, we’ll end up. Mould grows, eats away at the crusts; the soft white fluff becomes a grey and green fuzz, slowly decomposing until it becomes part of your compost, then the earth, feeding other plants and life.
For many, it’s when we lose or about to lose someone or someone we’ve revered, experience a close call, recover from sickness, witness a loved one’s illness that we reflect on our own mortality.
However, as a kid, I thought a lot about death. I’m not sure if this is common with other Asian-Canadian Millennials who were overachieving perfectionists, struggling to find a place in the world to identify with and battled with depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. Death, the purpose of life, goth-like ramblings ripple throughout my diaries as a kid.
Nonetheless, recently, I started thinking about my mortality and how becoming a blogger/content creator has made me fear my death a little less.
Can our purpose and passion carry on without our existence?
Everything that I’ve written, created, said, recorded in all my platforms (videos, podcasts, blogs, books, courses…etc) has been true to me. I have been as authentic in this medium that I have ever been in my life. And that is a strong statement.
Every word, sentence, paragraph I have stated is what I believe in, aligns with my values and priorities. When I express these opinions, it holds me accountable. One of my core values is walking the talk. I am not fronting. I hate fake people. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don’t give you advice if I haven’t followed it myself.
Knowing all of this is available on this online permanent record for my children and their children and so forth gives me comfort, that I am leaving behind somewhat of a legacy for them to get to know me, who I am, what I am about, my history, life lessons, stories from me, my parents and grandparents.
The only person who can REALLY hold you accountable is yourself and when I watch or read my stuff, it motivates me to keep going. The more I put down that is authentic, the more the next generation can know what I am about.
There may be times when I tell myself that I haven’t been practicing what I preach. That’s the time when I have to reflect on what’s going on in my life.
Has something changed? What’s different?
And then I can write more about that.
I know as I get older, my mind might change…I may feel differently about a topic 10 years from now…but having the insight and record for how that’s changed will give me the context to communicate that to my children (and their children).
I’m still afraid to die, aware of my mortality as I cross the street; there are so many moments left to capture, kisses not given, hugs not yet received. However, knowing what I’m creating, basically, a back-up version of myself, provides a bit of reassurance when I do meet the Grim Reaper.
So Readers, what’s something that you do authentically that gives you a bit of comfort if you left earth a little earlier than you wanted?
