10 Dreams I Stopped Pursuing Even Though I Thought They Would Make Me Happy (8-minute read)

Everyone talks about how we need to keep dreaming, set goals, aim high and work hard. Because if you work hard enough, any dream is possible.

Bleh…I don’t think that provides the full picture. Don’t get me wrong, I love to dream, not only when I’m sleeping. I love visualizing the future of what may be.

What will a year from now look like? 5 years? 10 years? 20? 30?

Where will my new freelance endeavour take me?

Will I become rich and famous and get to meet Oprah?

Will space travel really be affordable and I’ll get to be an astronaut?

What will my kids be interested in as careers?

How will life look like when I’m an empty nester?

It keeps me hopeful and gives me something to look forward to whenever I have to wrestle with my toddler son to put his pants on as his shitty diaper flies across the living room and I’m exhausted from the sleepless night before.

But what people don’t talk about is when goals don’t work out and dreams don’t come true. Not because they didn’t try hard enough or because they gave up too soon…but because it wasn’t the right dream, to begin with.

However, they needed to go through that process of setting the goal, being hopeful and ambitious and then slowly realizing that’s not exactly what they want.

1. Baker

Baking is a form of therapy for me. Several years ago, I partnered with one of my best friends to sell our baked goods at a baker’s market. We created a logo and tracked our expenses, revenue, profit margin etc. I stayed up until 2 am baking every weekend and we made a decent return.

But in the end, what I learned is that I didn’t love baking enough to do it as my profession. It’s a ton of work with a lot of early mornings and late nights. I’d rather share my love of baking with those I love for free on my own time without having to watch every dollar and cent.

2. Coffee shop owner

I worked at a coffee shop for most of my high school years and it was one of the best jobs I’ve ever had, second to writing, of course.

For years, I dreamt of opening up my own coffee shop and creating a place of community where people can meet, rekindle, connect, fall in love, break up and so forth. And I would be in the background, watching these glimpses of peoples’ lives while they converse of a hot cup of coffee

I contacted several successful cafe owners and met with them to discuss how their businesses operate, lessons learned, start-up costs etc.

What they told me is you have to really love what you do because you don’t make much after everything is considered. It’s a grind that requires your heart, mind and soul to be fully invested because you work pretty much 24/7 for the first 3–5 years before they could step back, hire staff and delegate. Even with the extra help, you’re thinking about the business all day without much work-life balance.

Honestly, I like my life outside of work too much to commit to such an endeavour.

3. Personal Trainer

I studied Biomedical Physiology and Kinesiology in my Undergrad so naturally, most of my peers were gym rats like myself. Becoming a Personal Trainer seemed like a logical step. I was learning anatomy, physiology, sports nutrition and everything needed to become one.

I actually worked at a personal training studio for a short time and did not like the culture and business side of things. I found a lot of clients focused on physical results. They wanted to fit into their wedding dress, get ripped for the summer, slim down for their reunion etc.

With my history of disordered eating and poor body image issues, I didn’t want the pressure to look the part.

It’s like why would someone listen to me if I didn’t have flat abs and a sculpted physique?

Plus, as an introvert, I’m can be socially awkward when it comes to asking people to move their bodies. I need my personal space. If I was uncomfortable, I’m sure clients were too.

4. Physiotherapist

In my last year of undergrad, most people in my cohort were applying for physiotherapy school. It became an option. There wasn’t an expectation to look fit and toned. I would be helping people rehabilitate and recover from injuries. It seemed noble and interesting.

I thought I would be helping athletes, young and fit folks who trained too hard at the gym. However, after a short stint at a physiotherapy clinic, I realized that won’t be the population I would be working with unless I specialize in sports injuries.

Again, it was like I needed to learn the lesson twice about my social awkwardness, distaste for touching people and invasion of each other’s personal space.

5. Doctor

Ah yes, the stereotypical Asian parent’s dream is for their child to grow up and become a doctor.

So obviously this crossed my mind. During my undergrad, so many of my peers called themselves “pre-med”. I was taking the same courses to apply for medical school so why not join the masses? It was this fancy label that meant absolutely nothing but I wanted to have it too.

Because over 90% of those “pre-med” students don’t actually end up med students. And I was part of that majority. Never even applied. I just wanted to fit in.

I mean if I didn’t like touching people with clothes on, there was no way I would check someone’s testicles for lumps.

6. Public Health Inspector

This one was a fluke. In my second year of undergrad, I was researching online what I could do for a living after graduation. And the public health inspector program popped up.

It seemed really tempting because salaries started at like 50–60k when you complete the program. Plus, I wouldn’t need to finish my undergrad. It would be a 2-year program and I would be certified to begin making money right away. And I wanted that cash so I could finally stop living the frugal student life.

But then I felt like I had already invested so much time and energy into my courses that it would be a waste not to graduate with a degree. I really wanted those letters after my name

Thinking back, I’m not a black and white type of person. I believe rules were meant to be bent and changed depending on the situation. I’d probably give any business owner who gave me a sob story hundreds of chances before I penalized them. The public health agency would have to fire me within my first month because food poisoning and staph infections would run rampant in the districts I would be in charge of.

7. Professor/Researcher

During my last year of undergrad, I completed a coop term working in research. I actually quite enjoyed conducting research. There was a mix of writing, learning new things, supporting statements with facts, not fluff…and all these things aligned with my values and beliefs.

So I decided to continue in this stream and pursue my Master’s degree. I knew if I wanted to continue researching, it would mean I needed to get my Ph.D., become a professor, apply for grants, hire research assistants, mentor students etc.

But during the second year of my graduate studies, I started working in the corporate world and I found research to be too theoretical and slow. I wanted to experience and deal with real practical situations without ideal test conditions where I could see results immediately. Also, I found the culture to be too academic, cliquish and stuffy for my liking.

8. Married at 25 and have 2 kids by 30

For most of my life, my dreams were career-related; however, as I figured out that part, the personal side of my life became clearer.

By the time I was 25, I had been dating the same guy for 6 years. I really thought he was the one. I’ve known I wanted to have kids since I was a kid. I had the man and I needed our relationship to move forward.

I wanted to get married and start a family with him but he didn’t. I waited for years, pressuring, nagging, and urging him to propose. But it wasn’t in the cards for us. I made the painful decision to end things. I was in my late 20’s when I entered the dating scene again.

9. Director by 30 (and make 6 figures)

After I finished grad school, I was ready, willing and eager to tackle the working professional life. I was excited like a dog with a bone to climb the corporate ladder. I changed jobs 5 times, each with a little more responsibility and authority. I reached a middle management position by the age of 26 and my next dream was to become a director by my 30th birthday.

I believed that if I worked hard enough in the next 4 years, I would become a director of my own department and reach a 6-figure salary. Except, I got burnt out from the stresses of office politics. As an introvert who values hard work over lip service, I just couldn’t take on the constant networking, feigning interest at social events and strategizing how to outshine my peers.

But mainly, I was focusing on my personal life. I met a man who loved me for who I am, got married, became a mom and priorities completely shifted. During my maternity leave, I rekindled my passion for writing and realized becoming a director wasn’t in my cards nor was earning 6 figures something I actually cared for. And the rest is history.

10. World-famous life coach

This is the most recent dream I’ve given up on. Last year, I published 3 books, one about brutally honest dating advice, another about how to deal with Asian parents and lastly, one about how to have a healthy marriage.

As I began promoting and selling these, I inadvertently put myself on a path of life coaching. People were messaging me, asking me for my advice about these three topics. And I honestly thought I could become a life coach.

I had courses, books and the next thing was to lead webinars, generate leads, get clients, schedule sessions and so forth. I thought maybe I could be a world-famous life coach…like the Asian female version of Tony Robbins. I would dash around the world, leading masterclasses and workshops to empower people to transform their lives.

But it just didn’t feel right. I like my little corner in the universe where no one knows who I am but I can still share my voice with the world. My craft is writing. I’m good at putting words to my thoughts and feelings. I am good at creating stories that allow a reader to experience a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m not just good at this, I enjoy it too.

Finding that sweet spot between what I’m good at and what I enjoy doing is what makes dreams come true. 

So Readers, what are some dreams you thought would make you happy but didn’t?