In a marriage, should respect be given or earned? To earn respect in a successful marriage, it means respecting yourself first
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
Cue Aretha, please.
So I talked about Trust, Honesty, and Communication.
Part 3 of my Marriage Series is about Respect.
**Click Below To Listen**
Respect
Click here for Part 1 – Honesty and Trust
Click here for Part 2 – Communication
Click here for Part 4 – Quality
I would yell at him for invading my privacy.
Then he would say that I didn’t 尊重 (respect) him.
Then I would talk back and say that he didn’t 尊重 (respect) me.
Then it would escalate about how it’s his house and I’m under his roof.
Then I would be like, “I can’t wait to move out.”
Then he would go, “Wait until you’re a parent.”
Then I would run to my room and slam the door.
Rinse and Repeat
Where am I going with this story?
Self-respect allows for respect to be earned from others.
I needed to learn how to respect myself before earning my Dad’s respect. I had a messy room because I didn’t respect myself enough to take care of my own living space.
As I grew up, I learned why I needed to clean (albeit I still have my messes) and I learned to respect myself by picking up after myself.
After I moved out, I ended up marrying a man who is also a clean freak and purposely buying a house 10 minutes away from my Dad.
How does that translate to a marriage?
Do you ever see a couple get married and one or both of the partners just “let themselves go”?
They don’t bother keeping themselves attractive? Like they’ve basically settled?
“I found the one, now I’m done.”
I’m not saying I haven’t let myself go a little compared to when I was single. I don’t wear heels all the time now, go shopping for a sexy negligee or get my nails done regularly. I don’t do my full makeup routine (primer, foundation, concealer, highlighter, bronzer, blush…shimmer, glamour) every day. Sometimes, I forget to pluck that lone hair sticking out from that odd place.
However, my husband and I continuously work on respecting ourselves by taking care of our health physically, emotionally and mentally. When I keep myself in check, taking care of how my mind, body and heart feel, it sets a standard for my marriage. In return, we earn respect from each other.
Self-respect allows for respect to be earned from others.
Mutual respect between two people means each individual respects themselves enough to earn respect from their partner. That means taking care of ourselves, doing what makes us feel good, prioritizing what’s best for us and not letting that slide. Everyone has different ways of taking care of themselves so it doesn’t mean the things I do are what is right for you.
For me, I feel the most attractive when I treat my body like a temple by exercising regularly, having a sensible diet and getting a decent night’s sleep. I feel confident when I follow a skin regimen, cover my grey hairs, floss, stay out of the sun and wear sunscreen. I don’t feel great when I drink or smoke. I prioritize my health because I want to ensure I have a long and healthy life to share with him.
I feel fulfilled and secure when I challenge myself to be more self-aware, to learn new things and to be open to new experiences. I’m working on how to communicate better about my feelings. I put myself outside of my comfort zone so I don’t become stagnant.
I feel overwhelmed when I’m constantly completing tasks, making to-do lists and trying to control how everything is done so I remind myself to ask for breaks, to ask for help and to practice more mindfulness.
By doing all these things, I keep myself positive and I don’t depend on my husband for my happiness.
However, as you know, relationships aren’t easy.
And this includes the one we have with ourselves. We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks.
I sometimes neglect my needs and I become toxic to myself. There are days when I don’t want to work on myself, where I go down that rabbit hole of darkness and self-pity and I start to lose myself. And I let it happen. I’m not a good person to anyone during those moments.
During those times, I make sure my husband is aware of what’s going on with me. He deserves to know; allowing myself to be vulnerable and sharing my struggles with him is part of respecting and cultivating the trust that we’ve built in the marriage. Keeping him in the dark is just as disrespectful and detrimental to the relationship as relying on him to make me happy.
Be your own BAE (Before Anyone Else)
When I stop caring about myself, I start to believe that I don’t deserve respect and that is reflected in how my partner treats me. A healthy marriage requires both partners to continuously work on themselves, keeping each other in check and constantly assessing what we need, want and deserve from each other.
Therefore, respect needs to be given when it comes to ourselves and earned when it comes to our partners.
Click here for Part 1 – Honesty and Trust
Click here for Part 2 – Communication
Click here for Part 4 – Quality
So Readers, how do you work on yourselves every day? Is respect to be given or earned?
